Wednesday, 21 January 2015

The unHappiness Traps - Reflections

Reflecting on the unHappiness Traps
Based on the article by Dr. Travis Bradberry

A human condition seems to be a self-addicted constant dissatisfaction with oneself.  The perennial fascination with a personal sense of incompleteness drives the urge for “more” and “better” in reaching out beyond our grasp for that elusive HAPPINESS.  This quickly degenerates into an addiction to the otherwise noble accumulation of material wealth and prosperity, in the hope of locating the “Happiness” to satisfy one’s ultimate true meaning and purpose of life’s existence.  Sadly like most addictions, they painfully discover that the promised Happiness remains elusive when they wake up to the realities around them.

The search for Happiness continues.

The Talentsmart company recognizes that nearly every human action is aimed at achieving or maintaining that elusive “Happiness” state “where we feel contentment, satisfaction, and even bliss”.  They have tested more than a million people as they trained tens of thousands more, and discovered some common blockages shared by unhappy people as “they fall victim to the same traps that limit their ability to reach their full potential”.

They pointed to three prominent “unHappiness” traps which people fall into. Once identified, these unHappiness traps can be avoided and unblocked to prevent the degeneration of your pursuit for life’s purpose into itself as the end.

The unHappiness Traps

1) We Hold Our Feelings In
“One of the great misconceptions concerning emotional intelligence is that it is about repressing our feelings and holding them in. While it is true there are feelings that high EQ individuals do not allow to erupt on impulse, that does not mean those feelings are not expressed. Emotional intelligence means honoring our feelings and allowing ourselves to experience the catharsis that comes from embracing them for what they are. Then we express them in a manner that helps rather than hinders our ability to reach our goals”.

Express yourself to Become you.  Your feelings are essentially you and their coming out is part of the awesome task to become your own realization, a first step towards Happiness. Express your feelings only for the acceptance and encouragement of loved ones.  Other people’s opinions do not matter, seriously. Expressing your feelings opens an inner dialogue with yourself and affirms your individual uniqueness and significance.  This is critical to building self-esteem and self-confidence.

2) We Fight Change
Stop occupying space and wasting oxygen, but be the change you want the world around you to become.  Actively engage the human conditions of paradox, ambiguity and chaos.

“Change is an inevitable part of life, and those who fight it do so because they are struggling to remain in control. The problem with this approach is that fighting change actually limits our control over the situation by putting up a barrier between ourselves and the actions we need to take to improve our situation”.

“The idea here is to prepare for change. This is not a guessing game where we test our accuracy in anticipating what comes next, but rather it means thinking through the consequences of potential changes so that we are not caught off guard if they surface. The first step is to admit to ourselves that even the most stable and trusted facets of our life are not completely under our control. People change, businesses go through ebbs and flows, and things simply do not stay the same for long. When we allow ourselves to anticipate change—and understand our options if changes occur — we prevent ourselves from getting bogged down by strong emotions like shock, surprise, fear, and disappointment when changes actually happen. While we are still likely to experience these negative emotions, our acceptance that change is an inevitable part of life enables us to focus and think rationally, which is critical to making the most out of an unlikely, unwanted, or otherwise unforeseen situation”.

3) We Numb Ourselves With Technology
Technology is just a tool. It is not a companion. Using it to escape gets you nowhere. Many unhappy people spend more time with technology than with their loved ones. This is how most people cope with their lack of progress in relationships; also having no family; no close friends; no boyfriends or girlfriends; being unhappy most times; unloved rest of the time; no one to love all the time; loneliness always; depressed; being sick or weak or medicated; having to depend on the unwilling; trapped in an unhappy marriage; stuck in an unhappy home; or worse abused, beaten, hungry, cold; and so, so alone …!

“The real question is how much time we spend plugged in (to video games, the TV, the tablet, the computer, the phone, etc.) and whether it makes us feel good or simply makes us numb. When our escape becomes a constant source of distraction, it is a sure sign we have fallen into the trap of too much of a good thing”. 
Time to wake up!

“If we want to cut back on the amount of time we are plugged in, we have to choose blocks of time where we can cut the cord and go offline. It is amazing how refreshing these breaks are when we choose an alternative activity that is equally stimulating. As we grow more comfortable without the pacifier of technology, we can gradually increase the amount of time we spend away from it”. 

Getting out of these unHappiness Traps means affirming yourself by strengthening your self-esteem and nurture close and intimate relationships with those around you. Use technology to enable and empower to nurture and develop in others a greater capacity for love and for you to receive their love in turn. 

Emerging from the unHappiness Traps will put us back on track to change and restore our true self, when we can share without fear or limit to bring out the best in others as well.  You will discover the rainbow of True Happiness as you impact and grow the Happiness in others.


ABOUT TalentSmart:

TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. Its co-Founder Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0.



      

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